Missing my mojo but I'm funny

Some days I'm all that and a bag of chips.  Good hair day.  Clever conversation.  Checking things off my mile-long to do list.  Life and I are open to each other like a flower petal blooming

(Shoutin' out to my Bikram homey's - Ardha Chandrasana)

Some days - like many lately - I've lost it.  No mojo.  Nothing charming or cool or captivating about me.  I am so not in my skin.  Everything is upside down.

The Urban Dictionary says mojo originally means a charm or a spell. But now its more commonly said meaning sex appeal or talent.  A head stand on a rug with dog hair takes talent, people.  Just like this clever email exchange.  (Hope you don't mind:  Jason and Beth)

Set up:  So I am going to this health and fitness writer's conference in Boulder later this month.  I know, wahh, 'poor me' right?!  Just so happens my soul sister, Beth from ShutUpandRun! is going too.  (Did I mention I've known her for 20 years and we both like wine.  Look out.)  Lots of cool bloggers with tons of mojo will be there - like Jason.  (I hope some of it rubs off on me.)  Yesterday the conference contact sent out an email about choosing free extra-cirriculars (all clean and legal) during the event.  Here's a snippet of that e-conversation:
Conference Guy:
This email is going out to the 75 people currently registered for the Fitness & Health Bloggers Conference running June 24-26 in Boulder, Colorado. We will send you a Pre-Conference Information Packet later this week via email with complete information about the conference. In the meantime, we would like to know whether you plan to participate in any or all of the following free events. All are activities you don't normally find at any conference and are great opportunities! Please hit Reply to this email and let me know if you wish to participate in any of these. All the events meet or take place at the Marriott. Some have limits but if you reply to us, you'll be registered unless we tell you it is already full. Significant others can participate IF we have room - please note that in your reply if you wish to have someone else attend an activity.
I wish to participate in:
__ Guided Hike (Friday 8:00 AM)
__ Kangoo Class (Saturday 7:00 AM) (shoe size______)
__ Yoga Class (Saturday 7:00 AM)
_ Newton Running Form Clinic (Sunday 7:00 AM) (shoe size______)
__ Ignite Fitness (Sunday during conference)
__ Martial Arts Fitness Class (Sunday 2:00 PM)
__ Guided Mountain Biking (Sunday 2:00 PM) (your height_______)

Jason:
Kangoo Class? They teach us how to act like LL Cool J and say shiznit? I am so in for that one..... OK is was really Kangol but a guy can dream can't he?
On a more serious note are you guys interested in any of these classes? I was thinking the Newton one would be interesting as well as Yoga.

Beth:
Damn I was hoping it had to do with learning to be a kangaroo - like jumping and holding babies in pouches and saying "good day mate." I'm thinking maybe yoga. I already went to the Newton thing, it's quite good though. Jason if you fart during yoga I will never forgive you. Where's the sit-on-your-ass-and-shoot-the-shit-with-friends class?

Jason:
Oh there will be farting for sure. That I have no worries about.
So get this. I have a sticker on my car that says: I PEE on the bike.
So today I am driving and I get pulled over for doing 43 in a 30 (not the funny part) but as the officer approached me he says: 'so it says you pee on your bike. and do you?'
I respond: 'yes I do'
he says: 'well to each his own I guess'
I say: 'it saves me time on my competition and I will do anything within the rules to my advantage'
he says: 'do you clean your bike?'
I say: 'yes, I do'
We then discuss triathlon and the such and it was a funny conversation. He ends with 'keep cleaning that bike ok?'Still gave me a ticket. So the sticker draws attention but won't get you out of traffic violations.

Beth:
I LOVE that story. Smiling reading it. I can just see him lifting his eyebrow, thinking "this dude is intense, pees on the bike." Imagine if the sticker was I CRAP on the bike. Real conversation starter.
If you had an SUAR sticker on there I'm pretty sure you would have gotten out of the ticket.

ME:
I am dragging my Virginia butt to Boulder I want to partay like a shiznit. I love LL Cool J I love wine, peeing in my saddle and grabbing my pouch when I hop. So as long as I am with my Beth I am happier than shiznit.

Jason:
OMG.....I just snorted in this board meeting trying to contain my laughter.
Good this it was a snort and not out the other end.

****
I'm funny.  (At least Jason thinks so.)  No mojo but I can rock some emails. 
Are you funny?
Got any mojo?

Hard core blessings

Blessings

I try to think if nifty almost profane headlines to get my muck read.  Somehow, there's a connection ot the post.  So even if you are shocked (or bored) please read on.  This writer craves a interested reader.  Give me feedback.  (good, bad, ugly)  Am working on my work. Onward...

In a recent Yoga class we were called to focus on a blessing in our lives.  For the record the jury's out for me on westernizing Eastern philosphy - floofing up classic Yoga language to massage torqued rigid-thinkers who might not see God everywhere - only in the Book, or wafting in the rafters of a Church building.  He/She is in our spine, our hip flexors, and our shoulder blades too.  The word 'blessing' works for me but I'm rubbing up against 'oh, please'.  Christian, Hindu, Muslim, Jew.  There is but One God.  My mind is too small to comprehend his enormity.  He is on my mat, in the inner arch of my foot, crawling across my torso, and wrapped under my hip in Trikoasana.  Back to the blessing.  (Soapbox, vacated.)

I thought of 2 people I just met.  They are adventure athletes that do crazy things.  Like run on the treadmill with 15 pound weights inside backpacks at a 12% incline.  They sometimes run with other humans on their back for miles.  A 24-hour race to one is short.  The other is a young, very fit all-American cutie who brings intense dedication AND playfulness when she comes to my Yoga class.  She's real and surreal all at once.  Her training and progress are unbelieveable yet she finds inspiration in the stillness of Yoga.   They inspire me because they are tapping into their human potential in a very external way.  Potential they believe that we all have.  They are elite athletes but not elitist people.  They believe we all have the potential to push, we make up our own limits and that we shouldn't listen to anybody but ourselves.  With that philosophy, though they are beginning to take Yoga classes but they are seasoned yogi's.  God love them.  They are my blessing. 

Chris bikes for 100 miles, runs for 30 then repeats the process for 72+ hours.  No sleep.  Not sure about the eating or eliminating.  I am learning this is a whole sport.  (Duh!) There are these extreme, elite, crazyass Races all over the country that make my marathon look like a stroll the mailbox.

More to come:  They agreed to be interviewed for OwnYourBackbone.

Not my acutal new friend, but an example of him.

Hard core

So while I learning about this adventure/elite athlete underground community, I asked if I was too old (almost 43) to push my body like this to be any better than a little better than average in my sport(s) of choice.  Bear in mind that Chris is 44 and been skulking with other cool crazies in rough terrrain for 20+ years and he still kicks major ass.  He told me:

"First, Clair - you are already hard core." (Whaaaaat?!!)

"Second - don't listen to anybody but yourself."

"Third, this is the most fun you can have legally.  When your body is done and your mind takes over and you have even more left  - it's unbelieveable."

All I know is in the days following this blessed conversation, I've added miles and hours to my workouts.  I feel less tired and want more.  Because I believe I have more.  Our limits are self-imposed. That Revelation is a blessing.

Did I mention this freak-of-fitness-nature called me hard core.  Yeah baby.  Look, I can do a backbend after my run...

I think I might be hard core, are you? 

Throwing up on your driveway

The best for last?  Not always

The last part of anything CAN BE the hardest.  Like:

Your worklife.  When you are about to retire in the Bahamas with your cute, fun, athletic, wine-loving best friend after working like a dog for 25 years the last 6 months on the job are for crap.

 

Your trip cross country in your Subaru with your dog and a wad of cash.  You throw up in your driveway from being carsick after 3,000 smooth miles on the road and a bucket of dramamine.

Your (daughter's) game.  She gets pulled after pitching beautifully for 5 innings twice (double header).  Under pressure in 95 degree heat all day. Because the bases are loaded and her team is up 3 to 2 she comes off the mound.  She's a competitor and wants it so bad she could eat the softball, but another child's fresh arm comes in to close it out.  She cries.  So do you.  Not because she wanted the win but she wanted to finish.

Your skin surgery.  After 97 stitches from  the collarbone up to remove silly basal cell carcinomas you get a scar sanded and look like this at first.

And then this.

I gave a presentation like this in front of about 150 middle and high schoolers and a cosmonaut from Russia.  I look like Gorbechev.

Soon I will be smooth as silk.  The last surgery is certainly the best.

Your marathon.   The last few miles hardest and best.

Your mother's breath.  The last few were the hardest but the best.  The best  because she was here. The hardest because now she's not.   I hope you feel good about everything you do.  It might be the last time.  It could be the best.  It might be both.

What hit you like a Tonka Truck today?



I'm thought I was straight

In my mind I am completely straight until, I saw this picture...

God, do those herbs smell good and please ignore that large fleshy protusion that in Yoga we politely call the "outer hips"

I have lovingly been doing headstand for a number of weeks.   Weaning myself from my wall crutch was a big deal and in my  mind my body was Straight Up and down.  (Paula Abdul, anyone?)

Though my butt flesh, that in Yoga we nicely call "butt flesh", is in a plumb line with my shoulders as it should be - my quads are angled slightly forward.  That means I am tight in my hip flexors and/or I am afraid.  My heels should be right over my butt flesh.  But, being completely straight is scary.

Straight or not hmmmm?  Certain things come to mind.  For example the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.  26.2 miles is still 26.2 miles straight  and flat or as curvy and hilly as Loni Anderson.  In my orientation I am as straight as I want to be in headstand but love my girlfriends so deeply that I can see why a few curve balls might work in this game of life.   Straight or almost so, I am still in a challenging Yoga pose and I love it.  So can I be in a slightly angled headstand and emotionally love some women to the bone AND still be straight up.  Oh yes, few things in life are straight to the point.  I'm still going for a perfect headstand however. 

My friend Beth kissed a girl during the Boston Marathon, Katy Perry sings of such a thing.  Like my friends I strive to accept what is and embrace life's straight and curvy lines.  I know Beth can do a headstand, I wonder about Katy.  If not maybe she can smell her knee like me...

Straight lines or curves, what's your favorite?

Ran 4 hilly miles yesterday.  I would've preferred them straight and flat.  People? they can be what they are.  It's all good.

"L" is for luscious

Unintentionally, I have an "L" tatooed to my forehead.  Think:  Shrek and Smashmouth.

She was lookin' pretty dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead.  Get ready, this is gross...

I'm a believer.  Since my children nicknamed me 'loser' (lovingly so) after my first Mohs Surgery I decided to rename my inference and call myself "Luscious".  I thought about 'lusty' but that's almost immoral so luscious it is - like this Easter Sunday...

First I meditated here:

6:00 a.m. after playing Easter Bunny I took my mat outdoors and began 21 minutes of quiet.  It was luscisous.  Still had plenty of time before my  peaches woke up.  Then I had time to read this:

Hindu Scripture.  Lengthy but enLighening.  Still enjoying wonderful aLone time while I wait for my chiLdren to arise.  Next:  Baskets, Breakfast, showers, Mass and then off to my most excellent sister's for Easter Sunday festivities.  
An overall great time with loved ones as 17 children romped and rolled in a pool under the sunny canopy of an 85 degreee day.  It was luscious except no one could eat near me because my head wound makes a person sick.  That's okay.  My surgeon found skin as new as a baby's bottom undeneath that scar.  It just takes awhile for it to catch up to the 42-year-old rest of me. 

Here's my Letdown:  No inversions (like headstand) for a week and I haven't run in two days.  I plan on running 4 gentle miles in the morning.  Still strategizing about my next race.  Yoga is still my most luscious form of exercise but a girl can Lust after some endorphins every now and then.  Just look at my head and you'll feel gLorious about your own. 

What would your "L" stand for?  Here are some choices...
  

Third Eye Blind

Well, I am not going to Cali in September for the Yoga Journal photo shoot.  Dang it!  These fine folks are.  Gorgeous, stunning, amazing. Perhaps this photo would've worked better for me:

(Just had dermabrasion to repair scars on my forehead.)
I do look a bit like this..

 The Yogi's 3rd Eye.  Next time I'll hold a flower near my chin.

I'm not a 'contest' kind of gal, (except for that one in college that involved tee-shirts and a garden hose and that silly little dance performance at my sister's bachelorette party) but this was fun.  I asked for help.  I gave stuff away and developed my practice so I did win!  Thanks for helping me.

Onward...

So, Spring Break is now over as is my Lenten wine fast.  I thought I would be so happy and 2 glasses deep but this is surprisingly not the case.  My wineless reflections:

• Daily wine intake in moderation is fine.
• Daily wine intake for me is not nescessary.
• Daily wine intake for me is a breakable habit but also an enjoyable, well-savored behavior.

We had great fun this wineless week.  Movies, walks, restaurants galore, Yoga, running, work, baseball, hiking, homecomings, friends who run Boston, phone calls that make me weep and the utter gratitude for every breath.  There was not time to even take a sip.  Surely I'll fit some in but after I meditate.

My Spring Break buddies:

Hope all your days feel  fun and full.  Happy Easter.

Soul Surfing and Hot Tailing

I am a huge skeptic when it comes to way-too-beautiful people.   I call them "plastics".  They can't be real, right?  They are probably mean, stupid, don't get it, or have a Daddy Warbucks (how else can a 20-year-old afford veneers?) No hard work no gristle no guts.

Here's my 'tude about some current hotties:

Hayley from AI.  Moves like a wet rope.  Knock-kneed.  Growls like a hungry dog during Elton John's classic "Betty and the J--J--J--J ets"  Cute? Oh yes.  Pretty (pretend) teeth?  For sure.  Hair I would have loved to twitch about on stage?  Amen.

Lauren Alana from AI  (is that a double first name or a first and last name?)  I'm not sure she knows.  When Randy Jackson asked how she felt about being compared to Kelly Clarkson (who's REAL) she said in her Tennessee twang:  "I'm just Lawwwren."  Help.  She sounded like a toddler who found a bottle of Benedryl and thought it was cool aid.  Swollen tongue much?   She redeemed herself a little when she laughed at herself for falling down the steps of the AI crib in spiky boots.  What, the Benedryl again?  But Lauren is talented.  She is.  Big, huge stage presence.  A real voice not torqued to squeeze out something kinda creative.  Maybe the whole picture makes her very real.  I'm starting to like her.

Is my skepticism and cynicism jealously?  Yes a lot of it is.  I want veneers.  I want to give myself over to what runs through my veins.  These people are living their dreams.  Wet ropes, and slurred cuteness don't stand in the way of me admiring them for that.  Try doing it with one arm.  Meet the Soul Surfer:

I can't say enough about Bethany Hamilton.  Go see the movie.  Take your family.  You won't regret it.  She cool, cute, real, talented, hard-working and lit up with her faith.  Just unbelievable.  Inspiring. 

I did tell my children after we saw it that if they make a movie about one of us, make sure somebody hot, and cool. and nice with veneers (like Helen Hunt) plays me.

We are hot tailing to the beach for a 2-day Spring Break get away.  Sunrise Yoga and Dusk Run.  Heaven.

Here's how I closed out my gifts from the giving project:

I became an organ donor.  Hopefully they will be very old but in good working order.  Fits the rules.  Not replacing them (God might), well-used and well-loved. 

Like my life.  Have a great spring break.  GO SEE SOUL SURFER.