Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Hall and Oates

January 12, 1997
1:51 a.m.
"She's gone", said the doctor as her family stood around her.  
Kathleen Nott Handy, 58

Me, 28 in the nightmare of the my first breath without my mother.  The average person takes 28,880 breaths in a day and in every one for 13 years I have missed her.  My story is not better or worse than anyone else's but this I know for certain.  I was incomparably lucky.  My little soul, for some cosmic reason - some unknown twist of fate - or some wonderful act from another life, got placed with Her.  Indescribable.  Undeniable.  Kindness.  Love without limits.

And I am grateful.  

But whenever I hear Hall and Oates I think of one of the 2 worst sentences I will ever hear...

She's Gone Oh I, Oh I'd
better learn how to face it
She's Gone Oh I, Oh I'd
pay the devil to replace her

She's Gone - what went wrong

And yes, I would've paid the devil to replace her - done anything to get her back.  One more breath.  One more moment.  One more hug.  One more conversation.  One more laugh.  One more look.  One more anything.  But it was not to be.  So...

I am filled in every breath with hope and love and motivation and inspiration.  In Yoga, we know that God and bliss can be found in the breath.  You may also find my mother.
She's not gone.  She's in every breath I take, every move I make.  

I like Sting better anyway.  And he likes Yoga.



Anonymous said...

I love this!! Love!

Anonymous said...


ShutUpandRun said...

Such a heartfelt and real post. I know your mom is with you every step, every breath of the way. I like sting better too.